Air Horns Harley
need opinion on my Definition essay intro paragraph?
what is excitement? from the brand new shiny harley that just rolled off the dealership to
the screaming of horns on the highway as you hit 60mph. that gives you a rush of cool air
that sends a thousand prickly chills down your back. what about the rush of excitement as the football player steps across that line as he sees a hundred flashes of thunder in his eyes when the
photographers make that shot of him winning that touchdown for his team. my thrill came from
the unbelievable sound i made when on a roller coaster screaming to the top of my lungs stressing my voice. so the next morning i would wake to a soundless noise coming out.
need peoples opinion my essay is due thursday of next week. need to know if i'm doing this right.am i showing than telling about excitement? am i using concrete nouns and imagery. does it need some improvement.
average, but i think your thesis statement could be written better.
You sort of need a bridge . like connecting to the general then to yours.
maybe something like.
"These are various ways a person can feel the rush of excitrment, but to me, it is that shrill i let out ,while my stomache fills with butterflies as the rollercoaster takes a dive that makes me
get the best rush of all.
Air Horns Harley
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